Building a Facebook Group Using Your Book

Cindy

Hello everybody and welcome to the Business Book Bistro where you’re going to learn from fellow authors what’s working for them now to leverage their books for sales and profit. You’re bound to find new ways that you might be making more money with your books too. I’m your host Cindy Carothers, also known as the beyond book sales coach, and today I am thrilled to welcome Stefanie McPhail.

Stephanie is the author of a book that was actually issued two years ago today. She mentioned she’s seen all of the anniversary stuff on her Facebook page.

And its title is” Being Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Recognize And Overcome Toxic Relationships So You Can Live Your Best Life Now”. And that’s available in book and workbook form.

She is the CEO of Being Loved Shouldn’t Hurt where she helps successful women end the cycle of unhealthy relationships so they can create their best lives. And she’s here to talk with us today about the topic of “Clients Waiting For You” – how she leveraged her book to build a large Facebook group of potential clients that helped her build her business. So welcome Stephanie. I’d like to start off by asking you why you wrote your book.

Stephanie

Sure, well first of all thank you for having me. I’m excited to be on today. And you know, I’m excited to share because those of you who haven’t written a book yet – do it! It’s not as scary as it seems and we’re going to talk all about that. But basically the reason why I wrote my book is because it was a calling. I mean it was literally I didn’t feel like, Ooh, this might be fun. I kept having this feeling, this pull that I had to write it. And basically what it is, is it’s my story. I shared my story of being, you know 15 plus years from one toxic relationship to another one, until I finally was able to end it. End my first marriage where he strangled me on my wedding night and I stayed for five years.

I had major transformation, major aha moments. And I realized that I had to share that with other people because I couldn’t be the only successful woman who was not successful in relationships. And I wanted to inspire others to realize they didn’t have to stay trapped and they also could really create a life that they were happy and excited to wake up to every day.

Cindy

You mentioned that you’ve been successful in so many other areas of your life. And, and yet you still went home, and you were told that you weren’t successful, that you were not worth it basically. So this is a story that I think even though we may not be personally in that situation we all know someone who was in a relationship that is not supportive and uplifting. So this kind of book is probably very helpful and I know you have a quite a number of programs that you offer that support and encourage these women to grow and recover and live their best lives. So thank you for writing that for everybody.

Stephanie

It was actually a number one new release in codependency when it came out so that was kind of cool too. That was an added bonus, that was like my first book and it’s a number one new release in codependency like yay!

Cindy

That’s exciting, that’s very exciting.

And you’ve parlayed this book into creating kind of a ground swell for your business. So, why don’t you tell us about how you went about that; did you plan that from the beginning? What steps did you take? Talk to us about that.

Stephanie

So this is something that I think is really important.

I actually had a private Facebook group already. There was about three or 4000 people in it. And it was not as active as I was hoping it would be. I thought it would be you know be much more popular.

And one of my friends, who’s a really well known coach, he said, “Listen, you need to write a book, because that’s going to give you some more expertise. You’re going to have more views. People are going to pay more attention to you”. And I said you know I was scared. And so someone came to me and offered me a book deal. They said, “Hey, we’re doing a book where it’s going to be you and like 25 other authors. You have to pay us $1,000 and you’re going to be a number one, best selling author.”

And so I told my friend and he’s like “Nope, don’t do that, you’re making somebody else famous with that book. You create your book so that you decide how you want it and then you can use it for what you want.”

And there was that part of me inside that was like, aaah! that is so scary. Like I knew it; I knew he was right. I knew I had to write a book. I knew I had to share my story but the thought of writing it – I was like – where do you start? What do you do? Like it was very very overwhelming, but once I made the decision, it was the decision ‘okay I’m going to do it. Now I just have to figure out how I’m going to.’

So what I did is, and you can make this as easy as you want. If you’re already having a presence online, you can easily pay someone on fiverr. Fiverr is a low cost company, that’s like much cheaper than VA’s and things like that, copywriters, editors, all that kind of stuff.

And I actually had someone just write out some of the videos that I had done. So they just transcribed a bunch of my videos Then what I also did was is I kind of did a talk to text of like anything that came to mind. I just did the talk to text. I just had to get the ideas out on paper. And then once it was on paper – so again I took it one step at a time – so like okay there now this stuff is written down, now I have to make sure everything makes sense.

So then I had to kind of reorder things move things around a little bit. I had other people look at it and asked – does this make sense to you? Then I had an editor to edit, and then once each one of those steps was taken then I figured out the next step.

Okay, the next step, get a cover produced. So I went back to fiverr, I have a really great person who does my covers. So I found her she was great very inexpensive to do that. Then I found someone to help me actually upload it to Amazon.

Amazon is a great way to get a book out there without having to pay all the other fees that you have to pay and without like you know without having to give the money away because you’re not going to make, you’re not making tons of money on the book sale itself. What you’re getting from it is the expertise level that you have from writing a book, and then all of a sudden, that’s where it comes in.

So I get pennies coming in, like every month it’s like oh, Amazon sends me you know whatever amount of money – it’s like four bucks a book or three bucks a book. You know I’m not going to get rich off of that.

But, when my clients see that I have a book, and if someone wants to do an interview with me for TV or for a summits or for podcasts or whatever – they see she has a book, it automatically up levels you to that expert level. So definitely you know if you’re on the fence about doing it, it’s not as hard as it seems.

Cindy

Well it’s interesting to me because when we were talking about this interview and I said how should I introduce you, and you’re like, “Well, I’ve got a couple of degrees and I got this and this and you don’t have to put all of that in there.” And my response was, “yeah because you wrote the book”. And I know it gives you that instant credibility, it gives you that instant authority. You don’t have to go around telling people what you’ve accomplished, because the book does it for you. And, yeah, so I’m chuckling with that because – yeah, it works. The book gives you gives you that credibility.

So you had the Facebook group already. What do you do with the book to help grow your Facebook group?

Stephanie

So, the name of my group is Being Loved Shouldn’t Hurt. The full name of it is Being Loved Shouldn’t Hurt: Codependency, Healing and Healthy Relationships.

So it’s like, it’s all the things that we do. And so, I mean, when people are in these toxic relationships, love hurts. So when they’re in the current unhealthy relationship or they’ve just gotten out, they’re going on to Facebook; they’re looking for groups to get some support.

My group happens to be one of the most searched groups because the key words are right. And that’s something that if you’re going to start a group – first of all start a group immediately. Write your book, and start a group. And make sure that the words that you’re using are relatable and searchable. Like you can do Google searches, you can see what actual words that your audience is using. Use what your audience is using as their words. If you do that, then automatically you get ranked in the search engines much more quickly and much higher up.

So because being love shouldn’t hurt – I mean someone sees that they’re like oh I know what she’s talking about. Yeah. Love has hurt for me, and so I’m pretty much up there with the group ‘We’re Co-Dependent No More’ which is like the Bible for people healing from codependency.

It’s the first book I ever read about codependency, and then right underneath, is my group.

So that to me really says a lot because it’s very active, there’s a lot going on.

And what I do is first of all there is a picture of my book in my group. And, when people make an appointment with me, they actually pay for an appointment with me to get my book and workbook and have a 30 minute consultation with me.

So, as people are coming in what is great about it is that they’re getting to talk to me, but they’re also getting my book and workbook so they’re going to know a little bit more information, and it also kind of like weeds out some of the people that just want to have a conversation. Like some people just want, it’s like a fan girl – oooh I want to talk to Stephanie which is sweet and you know I like that too.

Cindy

It’s flattering.

Stephanie

Yes it is. But when they actually have to pay 30 bucks, they go like, Oh, I get to talk to Stephanie, and I get the book and the workbook. It gives them that more incentive to actually start making forward steps on healing which is what I want them to do anyway. So I’ve been really using that as a way to leverage my business, you know, having them do that and then of course, our business, between the group coaching and the one on one coaching and things like that, the information is there in the book. It’s like the questions of what you need to do and then coaching with me, is the how. It’s the support that you need to take the guesswork out. You know, you get some great ideas from the book, but then they need me to be able to really up level.

Cindy

And I want to go into so many different directions from this conversation but we also really want to keep this short and impactful for everybody that’s here.

A couple of things that came to mind. Your book is a compilation of – and an extrapolation and adding to – of work that you’d already created.

Like you said, it’s the ‘what to do’, it’s not the actually the implementation.

How long did it take you to write the book?

Stephanie

I would say that by the time … this was interesting. So the first person that I did hire was not great about doing the work that I asked them to do. So if you’re seeing that someone is not doing what you’ve hired them to do, do not feel badly about ending that relationship with them and starting with someone else. Because she was just going really slowly and since I’d never written a book before I was like, “Why is it taking so long to like check my punctuation, like reorder things to make sense? Like I don’t know why it’s taking so long. It’s not a super long book.” And I realized she just wasn’t… she kept having excuses like she was sick or whatever; all sorts of excuses. Once things actually started moving the way they should have, it really only took about maybe two or three months.

The hardest part was just deciding to do it. That really honestly, it took me months and months to just decide. Should I? Should I not?

When I finally decided that I’m going to do it, then I hired really the wrong person and then once I got it, I think I started in January, and it came out in the beginning of May.

But again, that first like two months didn’t even really count because she wasn’t doing what she needed to do.

Cindy

Well, it’s all part of the process. It’s all something that’s learning.

Was there anything that happened during the course of either writing or marketing or using the book for growing your Facebook group that happened that was unexpected? That surprised you?

Stephanie

Yeah. This is just actually interesting. So because I now have this exert status, I actually had gone to a fundraiser. Well I’ve been invited to a bunch of really interesting things as an author, which I think is really cool. I’ve been able to do speaking events and things like that.

But I went to this event for a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness and a guy came up to me and said, “Oh I love interviewing authors. I want to interview you for my show and it’s called chapters wrap. And it was all about interviewing authors so I said, Okay, cool. So we did this interview and he was like, “oh my gosh that was so great. People love the interview with you.  Do you want to come on my show?” So I went on his show. And then after that show he was like, “oh my gosh that resonates with so many people. Do you want to do a show together?” And I said, “Okay”. And so we started doing a show that now actually airs on cable in Long Island, and like lower New York area, every Monday at 6pm, so that show now goes live.

But so not, not only was that really cool, but because of that connection, I got to interview Denzel Washington. Which I never thought was on my bucket list but now that I’ve done it, I was like, “that was cool”. I was like, Who am I to interview Denzel Washington It was awesome.

Cindy

I could see where that would surprise and delight you, ‘cuz it would surprise and delight me.

Well, we’re going to go to wrap up very shortly but before we do that I have two questions that I ask. And the first is, if someone wanted to get started doing what you’re doing. Besides telling them to, you know, to stop agonizing over it? Because we’ve mentioned that everybody – we do, we go in our heads and it’s really hard to get going.

Is there another piece of advice that you would offer people who maybe want to start a Facebook group, who want to try to grow it, who want to write a book? Some piece of actionable advice for our listeners.

Stephanie

Well, well here’s really what I think that is important to remember – you have a story to share.

And you, your story – and this is actually will kind of add to what you asked before – me sharing my story of abuse, and what I went through and overcoming, has inspired so many other people to overcome the abuse that they have dealt with. Now yours doesn’t have to be abuse. It could be, you know, leaving a toxic work environment. It could be your exercise dream. Whatever it is, sharing your story and your struggles makes you unique.

Stop telling yourself that what your story is really doesn’t matter. That it’s not that important or doesn’t need to get out there. People need to hear what you have to say.

And once you start just openly speaking from the heart, you’re going to be amazed at the amount of people that are touched and inspired by you just living your own life. So stop agonizing over it and just do it.

Cindy

And very very good advice from that standpoint.

You mentioned that you have, it’s not really a free gift, but you would like to offer for people to join your Facebook group to learn more about your topic and to find out more about what you’ve gotgoing on.

If you want to tell people a little bit about that I’m going to drop that link into the comments below the video. It’s https colon, forward slash, forward slash www.facebook.com, forward slash groups, forward slash being love shouldnt hurt. No apostrophes. Then forward slash.

So it will be typed in the show notes or in the comments below this, but Stephanie while I do that why don’t you tell people a little bit about what they get from joining your group? Why they would be interested and what the benefit to them would be?

Stephanie

Sure. So maybe it’s not for you, maybe it’s for someone that you know that you love who’s feeling very isolated and alone from dealing with this toxic relationship. It could be romantic, it could be a friendship, it could be, you know, any type of toxic relationship. And you know, if you’re the outsider watching, it can feel very frustrating to know like what to do for that person, to know that they’re kind of wasting their life in this toxicity.

If you’re in it yourself, we often lose our friendships. We lose who we are; we don’t know who we are. We’re just trying to please this other person.

If that is you or that resonates for you or someone that you know, definitely join the group, because we specialize in helping people just like you stop that cycle.

So if you’re currently in it and you want to get out, or you’re already out of the situation but you don’t want to ever repeat it – because that’s what we see a lot of that happens – it’s not just one unhealthy relationship. We repeat it over and over again in other areas of our life. If you want to stop that cycle – every Thursday at 9:30pm eastern standard time my husband David and I do a live show with free information for anyone who wants to come and watch us live. If you can’t watch it live, you can watch the replay. So it’s a really great place, again a great space because not only do you get that free resource, but there’s also a community. So again it’s a whole bunch of other people that understand what you’re going through, and a community that can support each other to move forward.

Cindy

And you mentioned that you use this Facebook community, gives these people the support. And then if they want to take it a little bit further with you, you offer any number of programs from the one on one calls you mentioned with a copy of your book, through hybrid program where they get some training. Talk just briefly about that but with a couple of levels of services or programs that you offer

Stephanie

Sure so if someone wanted to work with us and, you know, because again, we can read all the information but we can’t get out of our own head. So the biggest thing we need is support. And again as an expert you get to share what has worked for you and for me like now I’ve known for a few years what has worked for my clients. So we have a 12 week program that is a hybrid of daily accountability, curriculum, weekly coaching. So that’s intensive and that’s like the quickest results.

Then we also have one on one coaching. So if somebody needed a session with my husband David, they get a session. You can get a session with him or a session with me.

I also have a video course, which I actually took from my workbook and created a video course from it. So just another example of how you can use your writing for other things.

So I created a video course. That’s called ‘From Codependence to Independence’.

And then I have many accountability sessions so people can just have a little check in calls with me to really stay on track. So there’s really, you know someone’s looking for help, they can start as simple as getting my workbook and starting to work on themselves, all the way towards getting 12 weeks of like intensive, you know, group coaching from my husband and I. So depending on what they need, we can help them wherever they’re at.

Cindy

Well, it’s a wonderful program I think, that you offer and way that you’re going to go about it. And you shared a lot of good ideas today I want to thank you very much Stephanie for being with us and being so generous with the information that you are providing.

I also want to thank everyone who’s watching today – whether you’re live or whether you’re actually not on today and are on the replay.

I’m reminding everybody we are going weekly on this show so every Friday at noon, you can find me here with someone, an author who will share with you what they’re doing to market their book or profit from their book or grow their business or spread a message with their book.

Books can do so many things. As an author, it opens so many doors for you.

If you’re interested in being a guest, please send me a message and let me know. I’d love to have you on.

And let other author friends you know – tell them about us, so that they can join here and find out what’s working for authors now to market and profit from your book. This is the Business Book Bistro where you can learn from those other authors, things that you can do yourself to profit and grow from your book. I’m your host Cindy Carothers signing off now and wishing you much success with your book. Thanks for watching. Thanks Stephanie for being with us.

Have a good day everyone. Bye bye.